Friends in Heat...

Cats in heat are awesome.  There, I've said it and I'm not taking it back. Although it's sad to watch little Fancy get so ravenous for copulation that you walk into your bedroom to find that she has replaced the energy-efficient fluorescent in your lamp with a red incandescent and has one leg up on a barrel, meowing and showing her wares to the neighborhood strays in your grandma's antique corset that she retrieved with her teeth from an old steamer trunk in the attic - you have to admit that in this state, she's far more loving than normal and will make biscuits on your stomach for hours.  Then again, when you can't give her what she needs, she shreds your furniture and poops in your shoes. It's hard to balance, but in the end, I think the love is worth it.  

It's the same with people.  Some of them, when they need something, are awfully nice but, when you can't, or don't want to give them what they want, they figuratively crap in your Crocs - or occasionally try to smother you in your sleep (depends on the area you live in.) Those are the easy ones - they are upfront about treating you like a litter box.  The really evil ones are those that, for example, say they can't wait to hang out and go to dinner, but then spend the whole time complaining about the menu - kind of like Fancy with the can of Friskies she just HAD to have until you empty it onto the little pink saucer you ordered with her name on it and she just stares at it, hisses and runs away.  Basically, they want to love you but they don't want you to enjoy it.  With people like that, you'd love to take them to some cheap vet to be fixed.  "Hi doctor - this is my friend. I don't know what's wrong with her.  She rubs up against me and licks my face and then turns around and scratches me. I think she's feral.  Is there anything you remove to fix this?"

It's really disappointing when you find out that the friend you adopted in high school, or at work or from a mutual acquaintance needs to be put down, but sometimes it's necessary.  You try to keep up your end of the bargain and be a responsible adopter, but they know how to work you. You give and give and they take and take without appreciation or mutual respect. You build a giant kitty condo for them and they sleep in the bathtub.  You give them a scratching post to sharpen their claws on and they shred your drapes.  You rub their belly and they attack you like a frightened bunny.   

When they're in heat and want something - whether it's money, someone to fill the void of their missing confidence or to take their own issues out on - they jump right up on your lap and purr.  But, the moment you ask them to scratch behind YOUR ears, they run from the room so fast that their little paws slip on your hardwood floor as they try to gain traction.  You hope that they go so out of control during their escape that they slide into a wall, but bad friends, like cats, always seem to land on their feet.  

I hate to say it, but I've put up with a bunch of bad cats in my day. I've let them nuzzle up to me and claw their way into my life only to give me heart worms. But, just as you never know what to expect when you pick an animal at the shelter, you can't predict the future with friends. You have to offer them a safe place to live and see how they take care of it - because, like pets, friends can be very healing, and as I said, the love they can provide is worth it.  You just need to show them how to act and hope they are trainable. If not, no matter how cute they are, or how amusing they are when they play, you have to send them to the farm. It's part of the circle of life.

But, right now, I need to go...Fancy's next date is here and I'm supposed to watch the door.... 


  1. I think I'm most disturbed to learn that you wear crocs.

  2. I've found to my intense chagrin that the wails of a Siamese in heat can be heard over three miles in open country, drawing the attention of the humane society, the neighbourhood watch and the police. The same can be said of some friends... but I've never yet had to send one to the farm. ;)


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