That's Sandy Frink?!?!


I wouldn’t have said this just a few months ago, but I am very grateful for dark people.  I realized early on that, as much as we’d like to believe they don’t exist, there are people out there who want nothing more than to cause others the type of pain they feel on a daily basis.  And while I won’t venture to say that it doesn’t suck when darkness comes into your life, I am grateful that it exists.

Writings as old as the Bible speak of “wolves” among us and we all know that for every force in the universe, there is an equal and opposite force at work.  We can spend all day debating whether or not the behavior of these dark souls is avoidable, but there are dozens of books written on that subject, so why waste the time?  I for one believe they have a distinct and very valuable purpose on this earth and that, as we can, we should show gratitude for their destruction in our lives. 

I was chatting with a friend back in the fall and we were discussing this very subject.  She had just recounted an old Crow Tribe story about what they labeled “The Fool”.  The Fool was a troublemaker and a trickster.  Within the tribe he would cause pain, hurt, heartache and all sorts of difficult times and unnecessary drama – similar to Loki in the Norse tradition.  But the Crow revered him.    They held him in careful hands but in high esteem because he was within their lives to reveal their own true nature and to elevate their own benevolent inner cores. Through the trials and sorrows that The Fool created, he was giving his victims the gift of a chance to increase their strength. They could choose to dim their own light, becoming dark themselves, or to stoke their inner fires and shine brighter than ever by facing the pain and transforming it. 

After she’d finished her story, I said “Wow, how sad that some people are sent here to be miserable and to cause misery.”

“Or, rather, how noble”, she replied. 

I believe wholeheartedly that we are all here with a distinct purpose and that I am sitting here in my pajamas writing this because I’m supposed to be, and that the ratty, cat-hair-covered stool on which you are reading this is exactly where you are supposed to be. (By the way, Walgreens has lint rollers on sale two for one.)   With that belief, we can open our minds to think about all the planning that went into this life.

If we were born in the place we were intended, to the people for whom we were intended, with our own genetic code to determine nature and our family’s influence on our nurture, then we can also begin to imagine that all defects to that genetic code, and abuses and traumas that occur to some of us during childhood, are pre-determined – forming us and bringing about the events and characteristics that are necessary for our roles here on Earth.  And if you can imagine all of that, you can picture the conversation you might have had with The Fool prior to your birth:

THE FOOL: “I’ll see you when you’re in your late 30s.  It’s really going to suck, but remember that you need to go through it.”

YOU: “OK, forgive me if I hate you for awhile.  I hope I can get past it.”

Then, at the end of this life, you’ll meet again and compare notes.  It’s kind of a beautiful thought because it allows you to elevate the people in your life whom you would normally label as “bad” to the level of a comrade, a co-conspirator and a spiritual friend.

I know that the choice presented to me by The Fool was the greatest test of my core I have ever experienced, and the greatest gift I have ever received.  I was brought down to the point where my light was so weak it was almost flickering out.  I allowed myself to test the waters of darkness for awhile, which brought me nothing but more darkness. 

And then I discovered a visualization:  Imagine a skyscraper, gleaming and beautiful and soaring way up beyond the clouds, out of view in its majestic heights.  You walk into the lobby of this building and notice that all around you are intricately designed machinations – the systems that keep the lights on in the building.  You’re very familiar with this floor – this is your body and your conscious mind – you live here every day. 

In front of you, you see an elevator, which you enter, noticing that there is one floor below, the basement, and an infinite number of floors above.  You hit B.  Down you descend, feeling the increased weight of gravity and the sense that you are underground.  As the elevator opens, you look around and see doors labeled “jealousy”, “spite”, “hate”, and “bitterness”.   You see a number of others, each representing all of your base instincts.  As you stand there, you feel claustrophobic. You experience all of the pain of these emotions.  You remember how bright and airy the lobby felt, and how many floors there are above this and you long to get back to the surface.

The basement floor can only be accessed with a key, inserted into the elevator panel.  Before hitting the button to ascend, you remove the key, determined to never come back to this dark, dank basement.  You drop the key down the elevator shaft, hearing it clink and clink and clink as it falls further and further outside of your reach. 

Satisfied that you have overcome these base feelings, you ascend, finding doors marked “insight”, “intuition” and “dreams”.  You proceed upwards to find doors marked “love” and “wisdom”.  Every floor brings you higher and higher into yourself – each more vibrantly bright and cheerful and peaceful.

And as you begin to explore the inner “floors” of your own soul, you understand and are thankful that it was The Fool who allowed you to see this “skyscraper” for the first time.  The Fool handed you the key to the basement and you chose to go upwards instead.

It’s not fun and it’s not easy, but I promise you – when things seem to be at their worst, just wait a month. If it’s still bad then, wait another.  The giant epiphanies come after the most unbearably slow and tedious “friction moments”.  When you have three or four days in a row where it all seems lost, just keep faith because on the fifth day the poison that was leaving you will be gone and you will feel lighter and airier.  You will literally become a much better version of yourself.  And if it feels like you are being squashed out of a tiny, tiny birth canal – that’s normal.  I still have forcep marks on my otherwise perfectly-egg-shaped bald head. 

And when that poison leaves, you are almost blinded by the light of the love around yourself.  The love you feel for yourself.  The successes you begin to have.  The affections you begin to receive.  When you were wading through darkness, you could not find the light. Once you begin shining brightly, others of your kind seek you out, drawn to you like a star.  I’ve truly seen the law of attraction at work.  And it’s really sexy.

So, don’t despair and especially don’t hate the dark of this world.  When you experience it, see it as a necessary gift and look within yourself to locate what it is that you need to learn.  Do not hesitate, but jump right in because the more quickly you can learn the lesson, the sooner you are able to begin experiencing the rewards of your learning.

For those that need a fun, movie-inspired visualization for this feeling, I describe it as the moment in Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion when Jeanine Garofolo’s character, Heather, obsessed and heartbroken over her teenage love Sandy Frink, finally sees him again after many years and exclaims: 

“That’s Sandy Frink?!?!  What the hell was I thinking???”

It’s in that moment (just like when you throw away the basement key) that she realizes that all of the pain she felt for so long was her own fixation over the dark – the pain of loss, the yearning, and the unrequited love.  And in just a moment, Heather releases it all and turns to walk out the door to pursue life, bumping into her soul mate on the way out.  

And, in the end, we love both Heather and Sandy, seeing them as just two people with different missions in life. 

And just like that, I love The Fool.  I hope that in some other place and time, hopefully somewhere more ethereal and peaceful than Earth, we can meet again, share a hug (if beings of light can hug) and talk about our experience.  More than that, I hope that we can plan again together for the next life.  

To The Fool! #raisesglass

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